In a way, many relationships are a little bit like movies- they end. There is a conclusion. A final act. Just like a movie, sometimes you know the character will be okay, maybe they will come out stronger; but sometimes their future is uncertain.
Break-ups are like that. They are not always all drama and devastation. Sometimes you both just know it’s not working and split as friends. But other times there are lies, betrayal, anger, ugliness – these are what make break-ups awful. The worst is when you don’t see it coming then like a semi-truck who’s brakes go out – BAM! – you are totally blindsided. Sadly, there is a good chance you will experience a couple different break-ups in your life and at least one that really, really hurts.
Like so many things, your break-up and recovery is about your perspective. If it is a hard break-up, of course you will have feelings that you will never love again, that you’re worthless, etc. Don’t make decisions in the heat of your sadness. Time will make it better but so will your attitude. Figure out all the reasons that you are glad to be single. Analyze what you liked about the last guy and what you would like to change – this will help you in the future! Know that God did not want you with that guy – clearly – so better not to waste any more of your time and energy on him!
Did you know the Bible actually talks about being brokenhearted? Check out these three, just in Psalms:
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” – Psalms 147:3
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” – Psalm 34:18
“Cast your burden on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never permit the righteous to be moved.” Psalm 55:22
Dealing with heartache relies a lot on how much you trust God. It is really easy to say how much you trust God when things are good, but when life is hard is the true test.
How can you trust God more?
1 – Know that God is in control. There is SO much more to God’s plan for your life than your relationship with a guy. A guy you break up with is such a small speck on your life’s timeline even though it seems like the biggest deal of all at the time. You need to see the bigger picture. You need to see that God’s purpose for you is to bring you to Him in eternity and everything else is just a part of your story. “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my potion forever,” says Psalm 73:26. It means we may experience pain, heartache, aging, disappointment, illness, etc…but nothing can keep God from being in control and as His daughter, you need to believe that your Father will take care of you.
2- Draw near to Him. Like in any friendship, you need to put time into it to make it stronger. If you aren’t praying, reading your Bible and looking for God’s influence in your life, how can you expect to trust Him? You wouldn’t tell someone you hardly know your biggest secret, so how can you expect closeness to God if you never make time for it? Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all of your ways acknowledge Him, He’ll keep your path straight.” You need to trust that God has a purpose for you going through this pain and He wants you to trust Him! He wants you to keep praying through your tears, to find Him in the sadness and to find out comfort in being close to Him.
3 – Count your blessings. There are things in your life that are good. Realizing all the things that God has provided for you will only confirm that He has your life in His hands and will take care of you. 1 Thessalonians 5:17-18 says, “Pray continually. Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” Give thanks in all circumstances. That is TOUGH. But your attitude will do wonders here and remember – you can choose your attitude. You need to deliberately, intentionally, think about what you have that is good: friends, health, dog, parents, church, talents, passions, a sunny day, whatever you can think of that is positive. And you also need to remind yourself that it can always – ALWAYS – be worse.
Here’s a great example of perspective: a good friend of mine fell in love with a guy she really hadn’t been dating very long, but he seemed super nice. We all liked him and were happy for her when she got married to him. Not even a year after their wedding, his true character came out. He was not nice. Everyone had believed his charade. My friend, a lifelong Christian, a pastor’s daughter and good person, ended up being divorced at age 26. I can’t imagine the struggle she faced, walking into a divorce lawyer’s office with her father and the humiliation and pain she must have felt in being so duped. Some time had to go by before she realized…it could have been a lot worse. They hadn’t bought a house together yet or really shared a lot of finances. They – thankfully! – had not had a baby yet. Can you imagine that? In a way, the timing was really okay. She realized that…eventually. Not to say it wasn’t hard and there weren’t a lot of tears…but she had no doubt that God was protecting her from something much worse and painful down the road.
Your break-up may just be a blessing in disguise. When you meet the right guy, you will be SO grateful that you didn’t end up with the wrong one. In the mean time, remember life is a journey and you never stop facing obstacles. If you’re not learning, you’re not living. And sadly, heartbreak is a part of that, whether it is from a guy or even a friend or family member. There are broken hearts that a pint of ice cream and crying won’t heal. But there is nothing that God can’t.
#journaljourney: Have you ever been broken up with? Maybe not a full blown break-up but rejected by a guy? How did you feel the next day? A week later? How do you feel now? This is important to remind yourself about how crucial time is to healing your heart. What helped you the most? How can you use your heartache to encourage a friend who is hurting?