Part 1 : Boundaries in Love
Hey there! My name is Christy and I am so honored to be writing to you about LOVE and what God has to say about defining boundaries in our LOVE life. A little bit about myself. I grew up in a small town and like you, was once in junior high and high school. I remember thinking it would be great to have that guy I could call my boyfriend and dreaming about that ONE guy. That ONE guy I would sneak on the phone past hours to talk to. Dreaming about the day I would officially become Mrs. _________________. I was also that girl who would take note of the girls that ONE guy did date and redefine who I was by acting in ways to try to get his attention. Sometimes ridiculous things that proved to bring more embarrassment and rejection.
Through my dating journey I learned that part of Gods protection for me was rejection from guys I thought I needed to date. Although I did spend many Valentine’s Days alone feeling rejected because I didn’t have a date I see now that the rejection I was experiencing was part of God’s plan for protecting me for something far greater than I could have ever imagined. My husband who is my forever Valentine! I hope that by sharing steps you can take to protect who you are as God has created you to be for your future Valentine for a lifetime. Although it is hard in the present to experience delay in satisfaction especially in the love and romance part of life, trust me when I say the temporary rejection is well worth the reward of waiting for the Valentine the Lord has just for you.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 God defines Love in his words to us. One of the things this passage says is LOVE PROTECTS. Part of protecting is setting boundaries.
The word BOUNDARIES is defined as – something that indicates bounds or limits. Sounds like something your parents would say huh? When I speak to girls in schools and churches about setting boundaries in their relationships I share this with them:
Boundaries in a dating relationship are important because they keep us from giving too soon a part of who we are emotionally, and they protect us from physical, emotional and spiritual consequences.
That’s a lot of deep stuff. When we break it down though we see that, Boundaries define who we value ourselves to be. Boundaries tell a person that we have limits and that we are going to honor those limits to respect the Lord, respect our parents, ourselves and to honor our future husband. When we set boundaries in our dating relationships we are thinking about our ultimate lifelong relationship with our future spouse. Did you know that when you are dating, you are dating someone else’s future husband? Crazy thought huh? But it’s true. So, let’s turn that thought around. Your future husband is dating other girls and they will one day be someone’s future wife. You will be someone’s future wife. SO, honoring our future marriage actually starts today in your dating relationships. Let’s take a look at Hebrews 13:14- it tells us: “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral” (NIV)
Well, I’m not going to just lead you down a deep thought path and not tell you how to navigate your journey. SO let’s look at a few things in some things you can do that will communicate your value clearly. There are so many other things I could say about this, but for now I’m going to start with these three.
- Honoring your future marriage in your dating relationships is lived out by how you dress.
- Honoring your future marriage in your dating relationships is lived out by our body language.
- Honoring your future marriage in your dating relationships is lived out by what we post on social media and texting.
Dress: is what I’m wearing exposing skin or parts of my body that will cause my date to have sinful thoughts about me? Is what I’m wearing reflecting the value I put on who I am? Is what I am wearing an invitation for the guy I’m dating to have access to a part of me that is to be reserved fy future husband?
1 Peter 3:4 You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious to God.
It should be your goal to expose more of who you are as a person inside as God created you to be than to expose the physical parts of your body. That which you focus on exposing the most of will be that which the guy you are dating focuses on pursuing. If you are exposing too much skin guys will be likely to pursue physical relationship with you instead of a friendship that could later turn into a healthy dating relationship. We have an advantage here as girls we are well known for our ability to communicate. So communicate clearly your goals for the relationship that reflect who you value yourself to be. The more value you put on yourself the easier it is for the guy your dating to see that value in you.
Set your boundaries. Say your boundaries. Show your boundaries.
Part 2 – coming Thursday!
#journaljourney: Set boundaries before you begin dating. Tell the person you’re dating or potentially going to date your boundaries. Tell a friend who can hold you accountable to these boundaries. If a guy does NOT respect your boundaries, then he is not worthy of your time. Show your boundaries. Live out the boundaries you have set and shared with others. Actions speak louder than words. What are some of these boundaries? Write them down and the reasons why they are important to you.