I grew up in a small town. There were very few legit couples every Valentine’s Day and it was pretty casual, to be honest. Hardly anyone did those extravagant things I hear about in Texas, for example, about decorating someone’s house with balloons and flowers. When we had school dances, most people went in groups. One of my friends, David, bought every girl in the school a rose because he didn’t want anyone to be left out. I made cookies for all my guy friends and even the cute guy teachers. Of course there were crushes but it never turned out like the movies for anyone I knew. Valentine’s Day wasn’t what it is now, at least in high school. This is the problem when you know WAY TOO much about everyone around you.
Wanna know something interesting? I was 24 the first time I officially had a proper date on Valentine’s Day. 24 stinking years old. That must be a record. There were years before that I tried to maneuver something, maybe even convince myself that one of my guy friends was actually something more or maybe I did have a crush on so-and-so and I didn’t know it. Look I am a hopelessly hopeful romantic. I dig the little gestures, I love when a guy surprises me and I am really a fan of romantic comedies. But that Valentine’s date – all it was was something to check off my list. I didn’t even date the guy much longer and it certainly didn’t spark the life-changing road to marriage and happy ever after! In fact, I was frankly a little disappointed in that if it wasn’t for what Hallmark and the calendar told me, it was just like any other date I have had.
Here’s what you need to know about Valentine’s Day as a teenage girl:
- You are not the only single girl in your school.
- You are not the only single girl anywhere.
- Many of the couples you see this year will not be together next year.
- Oh yeah, and you are not the only single girl in the world.
Very few people I know marry the guys they date in high school. Some did. My cousin did and he and his wife have a great marriage and family. Some actually dated friends they had known forever after high school and college and fell in love. It can totally happen. BUT IT IS NOT THE NORM.
You know what is worse than being single? Being heartbroken. Falling in love with someone you know isn’t right for you. Being married or stuck in a situation with someone you don’t truly love. Being pregnant and not having anyone to support you. Wishing that you had saved your virginity for your future husband when you do finally meet him. Getting pressured into sex before you are ready. Having someone cheat on you. There are a LOT worse things than being single, ladies.
We could do a whole article on this but the bottom line is: your virginity is something you can never get back. I have MANY married friends who say they WISH they would have waited for their husbands, now that they know what love actually is. The admit to just thinking they were in love when they were young but not knowing any better. When you give your heart away, it never fully regenerates. Pieces may heal and you will end up loving again, but the scars are there forever. How cool would it be for your husband – who already thinks your awesome and beautiful and amazing – to know that he, and only he, was the man you were waiting for? Is there ANY better gift you can give him? Life has shown us…
A classic Bible verse is: “Guard your heart for everything you do flows from it.” (Proverbs 4:23) If you give your heart away too easily and frequently, it will get broken easily and frequently. If your heart is trampled and stepped on, you will feel like you are trampled and stepped on. If you respect and value your heart, you will respect and value yourself. Period.
God has someone for you. I can’t tell you how many times I didn’t believe this myself. Sometimes I still don’t. It’s just as hard as an adult when you see all of your friends getting married, having babies, traveling the world, buying homes…it never gets easy. The ONLY solace I have is knowing that if God wanted me married, I would be married. He MUST have other plans for me right now that don’t involve that. I tell you what – it would have been a LOT harder, if not impossible, to sing around the country, travel, create girls’ conferences, etc if I had a family. He wants to use me in ways I don’t understand.
The evil in this world puts thoughts in our heads that we are not good enough, not pretty enough, not wife material, not skinny enough. Have I had thoughts, “Oh will I ever even get married?” You bet. Have I not-so-jokingly called myself a spinster at age 30? Absolutely. Have I felt like I am not enough? Too often to admit. But God says I am enough. God says YOU are enough. “I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are your works, my soul knows it well.” (Ps 139:14) God does not make mistakes. He doesn’t spend any less time or thought or energy on anyone. Your identity is not meant to be “Jake’s girlfriend” or “Chris’s wife.” You are not your Facebook status. You are not your Instagram couple picture with a heart border. You are a daughter of a King. You’re identity is who He says you are. You are meant to serve Him; to seek and honor Him in all you do. That’s how you will learn what love REALLY is.
#JournalJourney: Why are you so upset to be single? Is it because of peer pressure? Does it seem like everyone has a boyfriend but you? Are you trying to fill some hole in your life where a parent or friend should be? What is it your looking for? Every space in your life needs to have God. If you let a guy take up too much space, you will be a slave to that relationship. If it is good, you are happy. If it goes sour, you are depressed. If your happiness is found in someone else, so then will your sadness. When you have God in your heart, there is less space for someone else to control. How will you make this more of a priority in your life? How can you fall more in love with God?
Scripture: 1 Corinthians 7:32-35